February 2012
36 posts
have your daily milkshake of confusion, regret and self-doubt!
don’t you ever wonder how it all falls into place for other people,
while you keep getting it wrong?
so dirty i had to take a shower
waiting for the drop!
no, i’m not complaining yes, it could be worse
ferment on the wish bone
i’m incoherent and incapable of any self-restraint
你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远 又何必去改变 已错过的时间
i guess i stopped being as open as i’d liked, but now it just feels like i’m obscuring things from myself.
too afraid to have the real deal.
it’s always easier to plump for the cheap way out so you can shrug and say it’s ok, i didn’t expect that one to work out anyway
i think i’m suffering a paroxysm
it’s like the more people tell me NO, the more i want to
oh wow,
the amount of fuck i do not give about your fucking problems.
(:
everyone leaves their mark, i’m just making yours visible
i don’t want anyone to be my sun, my universe should not revolve around you
i can’t decide what we are.
i’m not suicidal, i just can’t get out of bed
i laugh in the face of danger
um.
actually,
no.
if i stumble, they’re gonna eat me alive
i wish to feel smaller under your sheets i wish for the whole truth, every time you speak and i’m thinking about how you care half as much for me
it’s not you messing me up, it’s me messing me up. i’m hearing you say it, but i’m not listening. just - teach me how to not be a crazy person?
you’ve been the only one for a long time. i can try to distract myself, but it’s always you i come running back to
ok - but what if i never come back from this
what an annoying self-fulfilling circle of destruction. no, i won’t listen, not even to myself… certainly not to your lips saying no and your eyes saying yes.
the mistake i keep making, because i’m actually that stubborn/retarded.
oh wow it’s like i try to prove to myself that i really am an idiot
January 2012
13 posts
i think that next summer if we’re still all alive we should try, we should try to jump into some water and focus on getting high
whose summer?
you want to know why i love this? crave this? it’s not about attention, it’s about control. it’s not as if my life is spinning out of control, but neither is it going the way i want it to either. in a way it would be better if everything was going down an abyss.
i’m too old to believe in stuff like fairytale love. but this is the stupidest coping mechanism ever.
a sense of withdrawal, futility, and heavy nights
what if i don’t ever meet someone like you again
one of the good ones.
what a beautiful winter
what a beautiful boy
thank you, for teaching me how to let go.
December 2011
20 posts
time always slips by so fast.
when we spoke about the things we wished we could do, you said you wished you could be immortal, but have a choice when to die. because really, who wants to live forever? me, i wish i could manipulate time. slow it down, speed it up, stop it, reverse it. it’s been a Christmas of nostalgia, a bittersweet remembrance of the ghosts of Christmas past, a tentative...